In 2009 I left someone that loved me and that I loved. I tried so desperately to fix the problem but nothing worked. We kept fighting and sleeping separately and it was just a chaotic, sad madhouse. Towards the end there during arguments he started telling me he just wished I would leave, so even though I paid half of everything and deserved to stay just as much as he, I left.
I left one day while he was at work. It was my day off. I threw everything in trashbags and had my cousin bring her SUV over. That was the last time I let him see me for about 4 months.
I know it hurt him deeply. It hurt me too. But how could I stay in the same house with someone who didn't want me there? With someone I did not trust around other females? It was too much.
Now I find myself on what could possibly be the karmic end of things. My guy and I are not constantly fighting, or cheating on each other or anything internal to the relationship like that. He is not sending gifts to girls on the other end of the country.
But I don't know if he's coming back home. He says he is, but he clearly doesn't know when...that freaks me out.
In the meantime, I'm actually doing ok living alone. I've been a bit on pause since he's been gone, as far as adding personal touches to the house but I think I'll just start to take it over.
Its starting to feel nice to live alone. I can just go at my own speed with my own schedule...I am definitely the kind that likes to bring things home for my guy and chatter on about all the random stuff I saw out there but since I've been alone, I've been ok. I enjoy bringing things home still, but now its just my own personal enjoyment that happens.
As work picks up I'm sure the days will go by faster. I hope he comes back. But if he doesn't, I'll be ready for that too.
♥
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