Pushing through the anxious moments

So I have been suffering from anxiety lately. It stopped once I finished school a couple years ago but it's reared its head again recently and despite my previous experience with it, it knocks me out completely.

Anyway I'm a fighter, always have been, so I'm not giving in. I've been doing lots of research on the subject and the general consensus is, it's natural and can't hurt me, but the trick to getting through it is conditioning myself to not give it my full attention when its happening.

If you've had it before you know it is very uncomfortable. It brings all kinds of horribly negative thoughts to mind and can stop you right in your tracks. A common sensation I have when its happening is that I can't 'feel myself.' This leads to fidgeting and other mannerisms that 'remind' myself I'm still there.

I've found the faster I get involved in an activity, any activity, the faster I feel myself again. This can be as simple as chewing gum.

Recently I've been able to tolerate it better. I try to stay positive when it starts happening, and think about something else. It's been working. Usually I'm afraid to go to certain places because of the unfamiliar factor - that seems to throw me right into an anxious mindset. But lately I've been almost forcing myself into those situations.

Example: usually I go straight home from work and do not leave the house again unless going out to eat. Last night I pushed myself to do 'something fun' after a particularly shitty day of work. Usually I would be angry and go home angry. This time I was looking forward to going home. Looking forward to seeing my guy and getting a hug.

And I came home and stayed positive. Instead of crawling in bed and being miserable and anti social, I went out to dinner and saw a movie afterwards. I pushed myself and the night turned out so fun! I have been avoiding crowded places like movie theaters, and while last night's theater had some particularly obnoxious people, I wasn't even bothered. I just felt like another person a part of the human race.

I will continue embracing home and free time, instead of embracing the schedule of work as I used to. Work is work. It's ok to be happy at work, or enjoy it, but it's more important to be happy at home.