My guy was supposed to be here on Sunday for my birthday. That didn't happen. I'm hoping he makes it back in time for this Easter Sunday at my sister's house.
I expected him to miss my birthday. Even though he said he planned on being back before it, I just had a feeling he wouldn't. And he didn't.
Now I'm having the same feeling about Easter. I really hope he proves me wrong this time. But a part of me just really is learning not to expect much from him when it comes to our relationship.
His dad is dying. He missed Sunday because his dad got chemotherapy on Wednesday and then came down with a fever on Friday. They took him to the hospital because he has a weakened immune system and can't really afford to deal with even the smallest of infections.
That's why my guy stayed.
I knew I was going to be left alone if I didn't choose to move out there with his family at this point in time. Now more than ever I am glad I chose to come out to San Diego instead of staying in Oakland. At least here I can busy myself with looking for work and visiting with family when time allows.
This whole cancer business is terrible. I hope we can find a way to stay together. He's mentioned thinking of looking for a job out there in the desert. He's told me he'd like for me to go out there. But I don't want to be surrounded by death in the desert... Trying to single-handedly keep his family together. I don't want to do that.
I wonder what changed from when he was in Oakland to now? He was so far removed from his family then. In Oakland he was in a drunken stupor when we met. Then he slowly got better and better at dealing with reality. I do remember encouraging him to return his dad's phone calls, and try to go out there to visit whenever he could.
Maybe the father has just gotten progressively more sick. I've been with my guy for 2 years and the dad seems about the same as when I met him that first year. But he's been sick for going on 5 years now.
I can't imagine how exhausted it's made my guy. How frayed his nerves are. Fuck.
What a shitty way to spend the last few years of your twenties.
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