Being a part of a bi-racial couple, differences in cultural norms and traditions has always been something I constantly experience and when there's a problem/lapse in communication, I can consider our different upbringings as key to understanding what's going on. It used to be the first thing my mind turned to for clarity, but as time has gone by, it's not entirely accurate in all situations.
However, when it comes to family, are different cultures actually different? Family is one of the most important things in life. When I say family I also include close friends in that definition.
My guy's family is white American. His dad is German descent from Pennsylvania and his mother is mixed Irish and Scottish, hailing from California. Mine is Mexican. My parents were born here in the states but 3 of 4 of my grandparents are from Mexico. The only non-Mexican was a half Irish, half New Mexican grandfather from Wisconsin.
There are certain things you just don't do in the Mexican family. Leaving without saying goodbye is one of them. But my guy's family members do this all the time! I found it rude at first until I realized its actually just a manifestation of independence.
Most actions of the individual in white american culture are just that: independent actions of an independent person. At times this includes excluding any/everybody else. Mexicans are not like this at all. We can express individuality while retaining our position as one person part of a whole family. We prefer to take others into consideration, if not their feelings then at the very least their existence.
Food also plays a large part in the family concept. Eating together is a natural, everyday, common occurrence for Mexicans. We don't have to all sit at the same table, but when you make an actual meal, you make enough for everyone. At the very least you're not surprised, and in fact you expect someone to come along asking for a bit of your food. Eating together, talking while you eat, being casual about where you eat (living room, watching TV, while talking to your mom in the hallway) are all things that just happen.
White American families (this one in particular) hardly eat together. I used to make food for my guy all the time until he started objecting. He doesn't eat so early after he wakes up or he's " not hungry" right now... If I were another female I might have a complex about my food but I was raised by my grandma so I know my cooking is good.
But again there is that concept of "the individual." My guy sincerely just doesn't feel like eating at the same time I do! This isn't all the time, but enough of the time for me to learn to stop cooking with him in mind. Now that he's drinking considerably less, I'm hoping he will eat more, and in a more regular fashion. I also plan on going over to my grandmother's house for dinner as often as possible when we move back to San Diego.
To me, the less you take others into consideration, the more disconnected you are from them. It just doesn't sit well with me. But the longer I am involved with him, the more I am realizing the value of thinking for myself, and of myself. It's been pretty difficult but definitely a valuable skill/point of view. It's something to be aware of.
